A Sexy Story: Housewyfe & Caveman

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Does sex fit in with my/their personal beliefs?

It may be that you, your partner or your family have beliefs that say sex at a young age (or before marriage) is wrong. Do you feel comfortable going against these views? Will it cause you unnecessary worry and guilt if you do (or frustration and heartbreak if you don’t!)? Some young people will have sex simply because their family has banned them from doing so, even if they don't realise that this is the reason. Having sex as an act of rebellion may feel great at the time, but if anything goes wrong, you face a very difficult situation, as you may not be able to rely on your family's support.

Even if everything goes well, keeping sex (and all the emotions that go with it) a secret can be very hard – so, if possible, you should make sure you have someone else to talk to that you can trust to keep it to themselves. But remember, the decision to have sex should be an agreement between you and your partner, and while other people may help or influence your decision, they shouldn’t make it for you.

Having Sex for the First Time

There can be a lot of pressure to lose your virginity - that is, to have sexual intercourse for the first time. Having sex just because you want to lose your virginity, or because you think all your friends are doing it, is something you may regret later. Sexual intercourse can lead to pregnancy. So, before having sex you should think about whether you need to use contraception to prevent unwanted pregnancy, and condoms to prevent Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs).

You might feel lots of anxieties, especially the first time you have sexual intercourse (often referred to as 'having sex'). You may feel embarrassed about how you look without your clothes on, or worried about your privacy being disturbed. It's natural to worry, but good communication can really help. You should be able to talk to your partner about your concerns and how you feel about having sex for the first time. Your partner might be worried too, and talking can really ease the tension. If you're too shy, or you're not able to talk about these things with your partner, then you probably shouldn't be having sex!

When are you ready for sex?

There is no absolute right age to start having sex. What matters is whether it is the right time for you. It also depends on what you mean by 'having sex'. There are many ways in which you can give and receive sexual pleasure without having se

xual intercourse.Giving each other massages, kissing and hugging can be very passionate. It's a way of sharing and showing love. For some people these activities can be more fulfilling than sexual intercourse.You may feel that you are not ready emotionally. Being pushed into having sex could mean you regret it later on.You get pressure from people talking about sex. You think, 'I've got to go and see what it's like'. It's hard, but you've got to resist and do what you want.It's very important not to feel pressurised into having sex when you don't really want to. Just because your friends say they are 'doing it' doesn't mean they are.Thinking through all the implications of having sex can be a useful way of helping you arrive at a decision. There are lots of reasons why people don't want to have sex. You may feel that you are not ready emotionally. Being pushed into having sex could mean you regret it later on. Some people have quite strong religious or cultural beliefs. Others just want to wait.Some people call this decision to wait 'abstinence'. The decision to abstain from having sex can be either a long-term decision or a short-term one. Some people decide that they do not want to start having sex until they are married or in a significant long-term relationship. Other people may decide that having sex isn't the right thing for them at this particular time. Later on they may meet a person who they want and feel ready to have sex with. The decision whether to have sex or not is an important one. You should do what is right for you. It should be an informed decision, and not one based on fear or pressure from others.But when a boy and girl do decide they want to have sexual intercourse, they should think about using a contraceptive unless they want to become parents. Young gay men should also think about using condoms. Condoms can help stop infections like HIV as well as reducing the risk of getting pregnant.If you're thinking about having sexual intercourse, why not read our ready for sex

questions to help you decide if you're ready?

Will first time sex hurt?

Many boys and girls are concerned that it will hurt the first time they have sexual intercourse. It can hurt and some girls do bleed a little bit. The bleeding usually occurs because the girl has a hymen which breaks the first time she has sexual intercourse.

The hymen is a small piece of thin skin which goes across the opening of the vagina and protects it when she is young. It has some gaps in it where the blood can come out when she has her period. Sometimes a girl might already have broken her hymen without knowing about it. For example, this can happen as a result of playing sports or horse riding.

AVERT.org has more information about having sex for the first time and losing your virginity.

Katie: I lost my virginity to my best friend

I lost my virginity to my best friend. I was 17 and so was he. He was not a virgin. We had been best friends for years and there had always been a tension of wanting more. We had been dating for about 2 months and we had talked about it before. He used to tell me that we were never going to because he didn't want me to regret it the way that he did.

We didn't plan to have sex the night that we did but he took me out to dinner and we came back to my house and just happened to be home alone and I knew that that was how is was supposed to happen. We kissed in the hallway and he picked me up and carried me up to my bedroom where we made love. Even though he was so gentle it still hurt a little and I bleed. He told me that he loved me and I knew that he meant it.

I never regretted the way that I lost my virginity and I know that I lost it to the right person. I never trusted anyone more than him and I will always love him.

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